HOW TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE

When I started writing for this site, I had a list of topics. I still have this list and I still add to it. But I learned quite quickly to follow my curiosity/passion/feeling. Otherwise the writing is dry and boring.

I write what I want to write, not what I think I ‘should’ write.

I write thinking of the responses I have received. In conversation with them.

I write based on my experiences.

But most of all. Top of the list. I write until I find the thing I am a bit afraid to write. That feels a bit “too much” and also deeply true. And then I write it.

By ruthlessly staying with “the juice”, or, my unconscious edge, I manage to write in a way that resonates.

This is kind of like how in therapy when someone speaks deeply from their experience in their own words I am always moved.

Therapy is the practice ground for this kind of work. And group therapy an even more fertile ground to learn how to bring yourself to others in an authentic way that evokes an understanding response.

And the paradox of all this is that it is not easy to speak deeply from our experience. It is always scary because it has never been said before. If it has, we’re talking about another experience - not the one we are having right now.

It is always always difficult to speak our truth in the moment in our own words.

It is always easier to use other people’s words, to tell stories about things that happen, to make connections, assumptions, judgments.

There is nothing wrong with any of this. In fact it’s crucial that we do this.

But deep connection in writing, speaking, moving, and being is facilitated by deep honesty.

And deep honesty is never ever easy.

So when we’re striving for connection - with readers, listeners, friends, loved ones - it’s not going to feel easy or good at every moment.

Bear that in mind.

Bear in mind that each of us must bear something to get somewhere new.