It is about sex; It's not about sex

Ohhhh the polarity.  How we love to categorize and define.  When I catch myself doing this I know there is something to understand and accept just below the surface.

Is this about sex?  Or is this not about sex?

If it’s about sex it must be about the genitals.  It must be spicy.  All of us can feel our heart rates increase a bit faster.

If it’s not about sex maybe we can relax.  But also maybe it isn’t as interesting?  We can be vague and talk about our passions as if they are career paths.

Here’s what happened.  In June I had the impulse to download a dating app.  

On the first date I went on I re-encountered my aliveness.  From there on I devoted my summer to discovering this part of myself again.

What followed was a summer of healing alongside the Venus Retrograde cycle.  I expanded through highs and lows.  

I saw my resilience.  Nothing was easy but everything moved through quickly and I built one learning on top of the next.

I learned how to care more deeply for my nervous system.

I reckoned with myself in relationship.  What does it mean to take personal responsibility?  When do I share my feelings?  What are my boundaries?  Where does compassion for the other stop and my needs begin?

I explored the relationship between inner work and the external world observing how my world changed as I made inner shifts.

Even though there were challenges it was one of the best summers of my life.  I met amazing men - many of whom I am still in touch with as both friends and lovers.  

It’s about sex

My summer was about increasing life force energy, relationships, consent, shame, physical intimacy.

It was about fantasy, flirting, pleasure, gender, and intercourse.

It was also about healing trauma, self-regulation, boundaries, and resilience.

It was about the messy physical and emotional day to day of being human. 

Sex is about living here on this planet.  It is about the horizontal aspect off life.

So if you’re on a dating journey or sex is a priority right now - you will likely resonate with what I am creating these days. 

It’s not about sex

The journey I am describing is about what happens when we devote ourself utterly to what we desire.

It’s about creativity and creation.  It’s about possibility and passion and dreams.  

This work was called out by Venus.  An astrological cycle that always calls us into growth.  In this case a trip to the underworld for the purpose of aliveness.

I was brought to my knees in ways that I will share and ways that I may never share.  I broke.

When we devote ourselves to what we desire and we surrender to what life brings us along the way we heal.  We encounter new parts of ourselves we never would have seen without the fuel of our desire carrying us along.  And as we love and accept each part like a cherished child and allow ourselves to be utterly who we are we expand and we grow.  We can hold more, see more, feel more, create more.

And so in breaking this summer I have a whole other capacity to serve from the humility of my humanness.  I understand others more deeply.  Care more deeply.  Am willing to share how much you move me at a whole other level.  

I am better at my work.  More steady, more intuitive, more approachable.

It is about sex, it is not about sex

Talking about sexuality doesn’t let us be one or the other side of this equation.  It is the intersection of the horizontal (our physical daily existence) with the vertical (spirit, life, outside time).  Sexuality exists at the heart of the cross.

The bridge and connection between the spiritual and the physical - it’s how we got here after all.  In sex we can connect to the everything.  

And so if we’re not talking about genital sex let’s talk about the things that connect us to the everything.  That’s passion.

And the ability to feel the passion fully - physically and emotionally - to let go of the mind and experience the moment - this is the healing path.  

If we compartmentalize sex or refuse to speak about it - let’s love ourselves here.  And also recognize the lonely split off part that doesn’t want to join the conversation.  Sex is part of the story.  Part of who we are.

I see this work as utterly mystical.  While at the same time making monday morning a blessing.  

I am writing about freedom, aliveness, devotion and beauty.

Inseparable from sex and nothing to do with it all at the same time.

May we all devote ourselves to these things in service of life itself.